Getting Uncomfortable about Racism

Last week I went to an anti-racism conference sponsored by Kente Circle, a Minneapolis agency dedicated to culturally sensitive services. I think the founder, Larry Tucker is inspiring, not just because we share an alma mater- Go U Wisc- Stout! (Ok, enough name dropping- get to the point.)

I want to talk about race. I want to talk to my (almost all white) audience as a white person about how to do our own work. Talking about race is scary. I am opening myself up for push back and criticism. But talking about racism in our community as a white person is nothing like being a person of color in our racist community. I get to pick how and when I decide to deal with race. And then I can go home and not deal with it.

I consider myself a white ally, an anti-racism activist. I try to do my work. I try and listen for the voices of people of color and take the feedback. Last week, a huge local Facebook group for moms shut down because of racism. The rule was if anyone reported a post as being offensive, the post got removed. Seemed like a pretty simple rule- these administrators were just some moms trying to help out. The problem? If something got said that was considered offensive, or racist and someone mentioned it or asked about it- the conversation always got reported, always got shut down. Mention racism fast track to censorship. No conversations were able to continue. They didn’t have a chance to get ugly but they also didn’t get the chance to get explored or educated. Black voices were being silenced. (Nope, didn’t see it, didn’t speak up, just watched from the sidelines and felt guilty afterwards.)

This in a nutshell is what is wrong. The minute someone points out racism, the defensiveness starts and no one can learn from that position. How are we going to even talk racism if we are all so busy running around calling “NOT IT”?

For 6 hours last week, I allowed myself to be very uncomfortable and sit in my racism. I realized how comfortable I am not looking at racism. I realized how much I want people to think I am one of the good ones. I want to not get yelled at or called out or get it wrong. I want a seat on the bus but I want a pretty easy seat.

I read a meme this week that said “Racism is not a shark in the water, it is the water.”

I didn’t grow up as a white privileged child in this community without the impact of racism on my development. I have blind spots and the best way to learn about your blind spots is to run smack into brick walls. And it hurts. And you look really stupid. And you learn.

Please tell your children about racism. Please. Today. Tell your kids about the N word. Every parent of a black child has. Why shouldn’t you? Tell them it is unacceptable and tell them why. If you don’t have all the answers, tell them that. Tell them that you never want to hear that they said that word to anyone. Tell them that the world has people in it who are destructive and hurtful and that racism is a powerful tide we must fight against. If you do not call it out, how will your kids know what it is when they bump into their own brick wall? Give them basic understanding of what racism is and how you intend to fight it.

Watch for the intense pressure of dominant culture. Check your values against the ones of the oppressors. Much of our internal doubt, even in privilege is about about how we don’t measure up to values we don’t even espouse- we suck at our “superiority”. We have all been brainwashed to believe in divine “Greatest Nation”, white supremacist, Capitalistic, non inclusive, patriarchal, homophobic, classist values.

Be uncomfortable. Take risks. Get it wrong. Allow yourself to be challenged. Be vulnerable. Call stuff out. Speak up. This is our work. Put yourself in the space of people of color and listen- read some really hard books, follow anti-racism activists on Twitter and Facebook, watch for who is speaking in your community. Listen. If you don’t understand, go do your own work. Google stuff.

Feel it. I often make the mistake of doing all of my work in my head. It is much harder and scarier to do the work in my body, in my heart. Feel ashamed of what white people do, have done, continue to believe. Those are our families. We should feel shitty. This does not have to shut us down or overwhelm us. This should inspire and activate us. Feel, breathe, then do stuff.

Please. Do some stuff. Make sure people of color are safe to speak up in the places you have power. Make sure that your children are being raised to notice racism and speak against it. Make sure your guilt isn’t as powerful as your passion.

Love you all.

Maureen