Divorce in the Dystopia
Feminist News posted a (satirical) meme claiming that “Nine male GOP members of Congress have been given divorce papers by their wives since Donald Trump was reelected”. I got excited and shared it before Snopes checking it. Ok- so not true. I so wanted it to be true. I wanted to believe that my Republican sisters had found their voice, their own resistance. And maybe they will. Maybe this is foreshadowing.
What is going on with marriages after this disastrous highly gendered election?
The divorce rate in the US has been going down (so has the marriage rate) and reached a 40-year low in 2020-2021 then up a bit in 2022 likely a tiny rebound based on lack of access during the pandemic… we’ll see how the numbers look for 2023 and on.
I think divorce might be trending. My practice has been intense since spring. I hear from colleagues and folks in the divorce world that I am not alone. Mostly, people are unwilling to put up with what might have been tolerable in the past.
Nearly 70% of divorces are filed by women. In college-educated folks, that number is closer to 90%. That is a dramatic statistic. As women became more financially independent and laws provided better rights to women in the 70s and 80s, the divorce rate rose dramatically. The move towards “no-fault” divorce made it easier for women to get out of controlling or abusive situations even with limited financial resources.
There are real concerns that Conservative legistlators will go after “no-fault” divorce in much the same way they have attacked abortion rights. Social media is telling women to divorce now while they can. Divorce is not a right. It is a states’ rights issue. Conservatives say that “no-fault” weakens the institution of marriage, hurts children, and unfairly favors women in custody and financial settlements.
Minnesota has very progressive laws that focus on accessibility and transparency. You can even file your divorce DIY online in Minnesota. Making it more complicated and expensive and perhaps more biased to divorce would certainly disproportionately impact women and the poor. History tells us that “no-fault” divorce lowered the rate of domestic violence towards both women and men. The rate of suicide by women dropped by 20%. Think about that when we romanticize our grandparents’ traditional values.
My personal and professional stance has always been marriage is a choice. No one should judge the reasons behind someone’s decision to leave. I will fight with couples to do the work, dig in, and explore what’s wrong, and what could be better. I believe that marriage can be an amazing adventure and the best avenue for personal growth and healing. It can be good for kids, our finances, and our community. I also believe that marriage can be torture and toxic and soul-sucking. It can destroy our kids, our finances, and our community. I will never decide for anyone but myself. I will offer my support on the path you choose and I will continue to fight for people to be empowered in their own lives.
Love fiercely
Maureen