Category / gender / racism / Self care / Uncategorized
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The Resistance Begins Today
2016 Election post Trying to be with my feelings today. I am crushed. Betrayed. Heartbroken. I am hurt and scared. I am pissed. So… I’m leaning into pissed. I am pissed that the election can be controlled by a bunch of people who do not love our country. By people who fear the contributions of immigrants and women and people of color. By people who love power and money more…
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Pissed Off Wives-How Did We End Up Here Again?
Today, our ideas about birth, nursing, sleep, the attachment needs of young children have moved us to a highly mom dependent model of parenting, especially in the first years. This means women have increased the emotional and physical intensity and of their commitment to parenting. This means that even though dads are certainly doing more, moms are still mostly primary.
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The Crisis of Men’s (Lack of) Big Feelings
Happy International Women’s Day. Thank a woman who blazed a trail for you. Today I actually want to talk about men. In February basketball player DeMar DeRozan came out about his battles with depression. Then Kevin Love came out about his struggles with anxiety. He also came out about his long held beliefs about being strong and not needing to ask for help- about what he thought it meant to…
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Sex in Marriage in the #Me Too Movement
We all feel it. Something has shifted. While I expected 2017 to be the year we got to experience the amazing journey of our first female president, instead we got this. The Trump election was a terrifying statement about racism and sexism in our society. Much has been revealed. This is a time of intense social change. #MeToo #NoMore- They’re talking about it in Hollywood and on Wall Street and…
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The Price of Privilege- a rough month…year…decade…for men
I walk a fine line in my work. I want to honor and support all my clients. Most couples I see are heterosexual so that means there are two women in my office and one guy. And I know therapy is based in more traditionally female skill sets- vulnerability, communicating about feelings, focusing on relationships are not always an easy choice for men. But I also know that 2/3rds of…
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What if You Can’t Get Through to Him?
If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know I love The Gottman Institute’s research. John and Julia Gottman have conducted over 40 years of breakthrough studies on marital stability and divorce prediction. The one statistic I seem to quote every week is “there is an 81% chance that a marriage will self-implode when a man is unwilling to share power. The problem is that even the most thoughtful, progressive,…
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A Day Without a Woman… or at least this one
The International Women’s Strike on March 8th, 2017 is an international day of action, planned and organized by women in more than 30 different countries. In the spirit of solidarity and internationalism, in the United States March 8th will be a day of action organized by and for women who have been marginalized and silenced by decades of neoliberalism directed towards working women, women of color, Native women, disabled…
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Becoming Mom/ Becoming Dad… old school
I get to work with the most amazing couples. They are progressive and educated and intentional about how they live, how they parent. Most of them consider themselves feminists and picked me at least in some part for the strong opinions I have. They’re my people. Most of the time, I didn’t get to meet them before they had kids. I specialize in couples with small kids. I should start…
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Happy National (stupid, boring, old fashioned) Marriage Week
Marriage is stupid. Why would we promise to love, honor and cherish till death do us part when we actually know we can get a divorce just because we want one and no one will throw stones? No one is committed to staying if the relationship is abusive or if your partner won’t get help with their addiction or if their partner cheats. We make promises but we also believe…
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Let’s admit it- 90% of my fans are wives, most of them with husbands and most of what is out there about Valentine’s Day is ads for pink crap, flowers and candy. I covered the pink crap at Target and women’s needs around Valentine’s Day last year- https://www.marriagegeek.com/374 How about a little husband loving? Monday I am presenting at the 13th Annual Minnesota Fatherhood and Families Network Summit www.mnfathers.org so…
