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Pissed Off Wives-How Did We End Up Here Again?
Today, our ideas about birth, nursing, sleep, the attachment needs of young children have moved us to a highly mom dependent model of parenting, especially in the first years. This means women have increased the emotional and physical intensity and of their commitment to parenting. This means that even though dads are certainly doing more, moms are still mostly primary.
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Mother’s Day- Emergency Husband Alert Network
Next Sunday is Mother’s Day. I know- it is a Hallmark Holiday. We can and should honor the people we love each and every day…blah, blah, blah…
Mother’s Day is very complicated because at least in our community- Mothering is very complicated.
Mother’s Day is as important to your marriage as Valentine’s Day and your anniversary. I speak now as your Marriage Geek. This is very important. Mother’s Day is your chance to show your wife just how much you see what she does, appreciate her efforts and love how she loves your kids. -
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Science Says We are Hardwired for Love
I took on the “Marriage Geek” title over 10 years ago. It came at a time when I discovered that there was actually a science to love, attachment, healthy relationships. It wasn’t all magic, chemistry, romance, or poetry. Like many of you, I come to attachment work because it doesn’t come naturally to me. Loving scares the fuck out of me. Doing my work has been about figuring out why and what to do about my fear. Amazingingly- doing my personal work has been a huge asset to my professional work. Surprise! Lots and lots of people are terrified by love.
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Rewriting the Pink Holiday
Romance communicates admiration, devotion, and lust for that person who means the world to you. It requires emotion, intention and action. You can try finding something at Target…because Target has everything but you have to bring your own feelings, set your own intention and put your expression into action.
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Building My Collection of Amazing Marriage Stories
My job is often to help couples find a better story about their relationship. There are stories that lead to divorce. There are stories that keep us stuck. There are stories in which we are powerless victims. There are also stories of growth, of recovery, of learning what it is to be in a powerful marriage. You get to pick. I figure if you hire a marriage counselor, mostly you…
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Marriage- finding the right hard work
With low connection, we are less patient. People talk about being roommates but the research says low intimacy couples act like siblings- family but lots of bickering. We don’t let go of things, we don’t cut our partner much slack and we assume negative intention quickly.
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Love Versus Safety
This is the dilemma that is marriage. We want to be loved and connected and appreciated and lusted after and cared for but we also want to be safe. We don’t want to get our feelings hurt, don’t want to be ignored, neglected, scolded, criticized, misunderstood or rejected. And we can’t have both. There are no safe seats on the marriage ride. It is scary and vulnerable. Being loved means…
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Do You Really Love Me? The Flavor of Insecurity
We all have some version of relationship insecurity but comes in some unique flavors. Will you be there for me no matter what? Will you be faithful? Do you really see me, get me, appreciate who I am? Will you have my back when tough things happen? Can I count on you? The flavor of our insecurity is often connected to family of origin issues. If you grew up feeling…
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Hard Limits…with Love
(Update of a 2016 post because I feel stagnant.) I hate the term “tough love” but I do think we have to learn to balance an open heart with a firm backbone. Setting limits with those we love can feel threatening or harsh or risky. Love can go to far on the acceptance scale, honoring and accepting what is not acceptable. Car seats are the best example of hard limits…
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Emergency Husband Alert Network
I rerun some version of this every year. Please share. As 96% of my readers are female it is going to take some effort to reach the super secret husband network. If your children are old enough to have jobs and cars- ignore this warning. Those kids are on their own. If your children are not old enough to drive to Target-please pay attention. Sunday is Mother’s Day. I know-…
