Category / Relationship Advice / Uncategorized
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I Love Fiercely!
I was dating this guy a few years ago and he asked what I thought my greatest asset was. Without hesitation, I replied, “I love fiercely!” He told me he was thinking more about my legs. We were not on the same planet. If I were going to recommend one book on relationships it would be bell hooks “All About Love: New Visions.” It is a book I return to…
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And You Get a Coupon Code
I invite you to join me for some personal development work in the new year. Every January I offer a couple’s goal setting workshop. I love doing this. It is different than most of my offerings because you spend lots of time talking to your partner. I guide you through a few activities that help you hone in on what you want to take on in your relationship, for your family in the New Year. I help you negotiate some decisions, some baby steps and put them in action. The best thing is we focus on strengths and not problems. Check it out- New Year’s Marriage Boost 2020
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When Love Becomes Dangerous
1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking SEVERE abuse…not just abuse. Every woman I know has been touched by intimate violence either in her own life, her family or her close friends…even if she doesn’t know it.
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Again With the Holiday Family Stress Post
Assertive Bill of Rights for the Holiday Season You Choose
Between the weather and the impeachment hearings- it feels like it is going to be an especially long, brutal winter. Each November I share a version of my Assertiveness Bill of Rights for the Holidays as my gift to you and your family. Tis the season of hurt feelings, unreasonable expectations, trauma triggers and emotional eating.
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My Lessons- All About Love
“I feel our nation’s turning away from love…moving into a wilderness of spirit so intense we may never find our way home again. I write of love to bear witness both to the danger in this movement, and to call for a return to love.” – bell hooks
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Summer- Time to Get Naked
Sex is important to relationships. It is. I kind of wish I could tell you it isn’t a big deal but it is right up there with sleep and food. Of course, since most people in our culture are totally screwed up about food and totally sleep deprived, not such a surprise that we are also kind of a disaster in the sack.Couples who aren’t having regular sex freak out and feel insecure in their relationship. Couples that go too long without sex end up looking a lot like siblings- they love each other and are certainly family but man, do they get on each other’s nerves. Sex is protective of love. Sex builds connection. Sex makes us feel better.
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I am so sorry- That must have hurt
People tell me their big drama relationship stories all day. That’s what I do for a living, mostly I listen and reflect big feelings. Years of this and you start to notice things- patterns, threads, trends. The answer to the big drama is “oh, that must have hurt”. “Oh you got your feelings hurt” is so dismissive. We need permission to have the hurt in order to decide what we want to do next.
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Look Deep into My Eyes
The neurobiology of love is a balance between safety and connection. We want to be free from criticism, hurt, disappointment, loss but we crave deep connection…which leaves us vulnerable and unsafe. If things go well in our childhood we learn to balance that vulnerability with the benefits of others, leaning in and trusting that the hurts aren’t too dangerous and the benefits are so good.
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Love Deeply
I believe that deepening our capacity to love and be loved is why we’re here. Well at least that’s why I think I’m here. I want to love my kids and my family and my friends and my partner and my community and the world. I know that I have to get past my self doubts and fears as I work to deepen that capacity. I know that loving people makes me bump into all of my baggage and limitations.
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Love Versus Safety
This is the dilemma that is marriage. We want to be loved and connected and appreciated and lusted after and cared for but we also want to be safe. We don’t want to get our feelings hurt, don’t want to be ignored, neglected, scolded, criticized, misunderstood or rejected. And we can’t have both. There are no safe seats on the marriage ride. It is scary and vulnerable. Being loved means…
