The Best Mindfulness Doesn’t Happen in Our Heads

Criticism lives in our head.

Compassion lives in our hearts.

When hurt or scared most of us move into our heads where we feel safe and in control.

When relationships overwhelm us we harden our hearts and think too much. We think about our partner’s mistakes, our kids’ struggles, our families weaknesses and our own shortcomings.

When we are connected to our feelings, we remember that people are mostly doing the best they can and that we love them and they need patience and support.

Think about it. Your partner or kid is late or hasn’t called and you don’t know where they are. In your fear all you can do is hope they are alright. Then they show up and rather than tell them how worried we were or how much the fear of losing them haunts us, we shift to anger and argument.

Try it sometime. Watch for that critical, nasty voice in your head. Being critical becomes a habit. We measure our lives against others’ and find we are either winning or losing. We see that other’s failures make us look good but other’s successes make us insecure.

The neighbor’s house is cleaner. Your sister drives a nicer car. You only feed your kids organic. Your mom is so hard on you. You’re so hard on you. All of that lives in our safe but ugly thoughts.

Try pulling yourself into your more vulnerable but real emotional self. Try love or try hurt. Just move out of your head.

Compassion isn’t weak. It sets firm limits and expects the most from people but it allows room for growth and struggles.

I meditate. A lot.  It helps a ton.When I get frustrated I can go through the list of people I love, and the same people who make me crazy and give them a dose of compassion. When I am pissed at myself for screwing up…again, that muscle of compassion is so much easier to access if I have been practicing. Get out of your head and work that heart muscle.

Hey- Did you see my fall schedule got posted. Check it out.

The first class, Stop Yelling  is next Tuesday and I have plenty of space. A great workshop for anyone who knows they would feel better and their kids would behave better if they yelled…just a little bit less.

www.universe.com/stopyelling