Of Course You’re Worried, We’re All Worried
I’ve stepped away from blogging in 2020. Going through a ton of my own growth and exploration right now has me feeling uncentered. My opinions change weekly, I’m questioning everything and in no place to be a “relationship expert”. The ankle is mostly healed. I am doing lots of physical therapy to get back to hiking and yoga as soon as possible. The “babies” turned 16 and 18 last week, one got his driver’s license, the other is days away from high school graduation. Empty nesting is wonderful and terrifying. Dating in my 50s is not something I am ready to blog about!!
Like everyone else on the planet, I have no idea how I am supposed to feel about the Coronavirus, no idea what to do, hate feeling this powerless so I bought toilet paper. No matter what happens, no matter how bad things get… at least we will not run out of toilet paper. And yes, I know… the Coronavirus does not cause diarrhea. Toilet paper is still the solution. I can’t add a thing to the conversation about COVID-19 but maybe I can talk to you all about how to manage anxiety… after buying toilet paper.
First there is “anxiety”- small letter a. Anxiety is a feeling. Life requires us to be cautious. You should feel anxious driving in traffic, when a stranger approaches, when you smell smoke. Anxiety turns on your alarm system. The body’s stress response changes breathing, blood pressure, heart rate, adrenaline. Right now, there is a very real threat. We should be worried. We need to be more diligent about washing our hands, cleaning our homes, social distance. The hard thing about this “threat” is that a stress reaction- fight or flight isn’t going to serve us very well. Our heightened level of caution is going to lead to increased searching for answers, reading Facebook, watching the news, trying to calculate risk management. What would help is if our stress response helped us sleep and exercise and meditate and eat well.
Then there is “Anxiety”- capital letter A. Anxiety is a disorder. Research in 2018 found that 39% of Americans reported being more anxious than they were the year before…and I can’t believe that we have settled down since 2018. The NIH reports that 19% of US adults have anxiety, more women than men and over 30% will have an anxiety disorder at some point in their life.
If your anxiety is out of control, you likely waffle between thinking that your concerns are warranted and knowing that you’re overreacting. And that’s probably about right. But the overreacting is so exhausting and not serving you well.
Capital A anxiety is a very common and treatable mental health condition. Anxiety turns the volume up on the normal worries of the world, keeps the stress response on for long periods of time and interferes with the body’s ability to sooth and restore.
When we feel anxious, we want to get our ducks in a row. We want to control things, get things figured out, manage them. But ducks don’t like rows and the world is full of things we cannot control. Shopping for “essentials” may or may not help your anxiety… temporarily. Other things we are drawn to that do not help- alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, too much sugar, too much news and social media. Things that do help- sleep, connection, exercise, meditation, medication, therapy. So… let’s talk therapy.
Here’s how therapy helps. You get to talk to someone about the thoughts in your head. You get a reality check. You get heard and supported and then challenged. Your thoughts are not “the truth”. You are not at the mercy of your thoughts. You can learn strategies for managing and controlling the thoughts rather than having the thoughts control you. You can face your fears. You can learn to be more comfortable with uncertainty and powerlessness.
Did you know that more and more insurances are paying for telehealth? Did you know that there are affordable online options for those with high deductible plans or no coverage? Did you know that there are free options for therapy? Did you know that support groups can be a great alternative to traditional therapy?
I think this crisis is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. We’re going to need to be rested and solid while we take care of each other. If you have seen me for therapy in the past, I will make space for you again. I now offer telehealth options as well as traditional in office individual and couple’s sessions. I also love playing therapist matchmaker although usually I just use Psychology Today to see who has openings.
Wash your hands. Take care of yourself so you can take care of the people you love. Call your old people. Have just enough information to make a plan and then take a walk. And maybe think about getting a therapist…as well as toilet paper.