Holiday Family Stress Post 2024

Winter is hitting early in Minnesota this year. We may be doing better than most of the country when it comes to the climate crisis but it can be unpredictable. Like everything else around here… who knows what is coming next? 

I wrote this “Assertiveness Bill of Rights” years ago- adapted from a piece by Manuel J. Smith ‘When I say no, I feel guilty’. Many of us didn’t learn healthy boundaries in our childhood. I think I got started on learning these lessons in grade school. It surprises me as a therapist how often I am coaching men in assertiveness. They may have been socialized to be bold in professional settings but often do not have the skills to be open-heartedly firm with those they love. This year, let’s take care of ourselves and model assertiveness and healthy boundaries for our kids. 

Boundaries are about your power. Rules just don’t work very well because we have little control over other people. 

No racist comments in my presence is a rule.

I will call out racist comment is a boundary. 

No one should be talking about people’s weight is a rule. 

I will leave the conversation if people discuss weight in my presence is a boundary.  

It is rude to show up without asking first is a rule. 

I am not available unless you plan ahead is a boundary. 

Kids should not be expected to hug relatives they aren’t comfortable with is a rule.

I will protect my kids from non-consensual touch is a boundary.

Marriage Geek Assertive Bill of Rights for the Holidays

Adapted by Maureen Campion from Manuel J. Smith ‘When I say no, I feel guilty’

• You have the right to choose what is best for you and your family this holiday.
• You have the right to decide how much attention to give your extended family’s holiday wishes.
• You have the right to say no. Complete sentence.
• You have the right to stall- to say “I don’t know yet” or “let me think about that” or “we’ll just have to see how the day goes”.
• You have the right to change your mind. People will be disappointed and survive.
• You have the right to come late or leave early or skip the parts that don’t work for you.
• You have the right to make choices that no one will understand.
• You have the right to do less…or nothing.
• You have the right to disagree.
• You have the right to all your feelings (including anger) and to express them appropriately.
• You have the right to ask questions and make requests.
• You have the right to be treated with respect at all times.
• You have the right to feel good about yourself, your actions, and your life. You have the right to exercise any and all of these rights without feeling guilty.

Love Fiercely! Happy Thanksgiving

Maureen