How did the internet make parenting so freaking hard?

I have a complicated relationship with Facebook. I suppose this whole “internet thing” still confuses me.

In 1984, I was at the U studying psychology and women studies and became a single mom.

My parenting philosophy was developed at the library. The actual building kind with paper books. I found “The Family Bed” which gave me permission to let my baby sleep right where he already was.  I subscribed to the subversive Mothering Magazine. I decided not to spank and researched nutrition and discipline and sexual stereotypes and worried about the impact of raising my son surrounded by strong women but without a father. And deep down I knew that if I loved him and did my best, we’d be ok.

In 2002, I was a married psychologist when I had my second kid and then 2004 my last.

I picked up my parenting philosophy right where I left off, with Mothering.com(mune) my first online community. I read some great books, found the local chapter of Attachment Parenting International. Natural birth, co-sleeping and breastfeeding hadn’t changed but boy had the world of parenting changed…and it just kept changing. At 40 years old, with a ton more privilege, education, support… I felt less certain that I was doing it right.

I love Google. I can access more information than any library can hold from my phone. I love Facebook. I can stay connected with friends and family and find people with similar interests and create community. I just can’t quite figure out how Google and Facebook make parenting harder. Too many opinions? Too much doubt and dissent? Fear mongering? Keeping up with the Jones? Comparing my insides to their outsides?

The antidote? You be you. Educated, connected, supported but solidly you. How about some Marie Kondo for your feed? Purge! Only keep what works for you.

Create a small town. Research (Google) says that 150 is the maximum number of social relationships most people can support. Any of those only 5 can really be your close friends. Pick wisely. Drop some acquaintances. Pick you core 5. Distance from negative, from those whose values you do not share, step away from the ones who are emotional vampires.

Check your sources. Not all influencers are created equal. Have one medical site. A couple of good news sources. Follow people who bring you wisdom. Notes from a Marriage Geek has been to vet a ton of articles for you and only share good stuff. I share research based, positive parenting, attachment focus. Find sources that serve you and ditch the junk.

Create a bubble of certainty. Trust your gut. Decide what you have decided. Don’t pick at your choices. Drop the doubt. Stick to your plan. Confidence covers a lot. Work on finding your own voice. Don’t let every new shiny object distract you.

Be intentional. Decide when you can or should be online. Take Facebook off your phone if it is stressing you out. Never research emotional topics at night. Set a timer and give yourself 20 minutes and then go do something else.