Do you need to build a bigger plate?

Authentic Self Care Fights Burnout

Everyone I know has a full plate.  Therapists use to say “fine is not a feeling” but when I check in with people I find I have to add “busy is not a feeling”.

We care about our parenting and our marriage and our community and our environment. We are working on gratitude and mindfulness and patience and not yelling. We have careers and volunteer work and committees that we are devoted to. We listen to MPR until we mess up our sleep and then drink more coffee to keep our to do list managed the next day. And there is laundry…there is always laundry.

Some people have full plates but very small plates. In order to continue to build an amazing life I know that my best plan is to continue to focus on building a bigger plate- increasing the capacity of my life.

I don’t want to stop caring. I don’t want to say no more and I certainly do not need more bubble baths. I want to grow the capacity of my love. I want to love fiercely. I want to do good and do well. I want to thrive and have those around me thrive.

I also need a solid Burnout Prevention Plan. Instead of all the mind numbing “self care” the media tries to sell us,  I try and focus on being honest with my authentic self about what I need to be solid.

Here are a few things that I try to do to prevent burnout.

• In all things, I have a choice. And choosing resentment sucks.
• All I can do is all I can do. I go to bed knowing I did what I could… or didn’t but it is time for bed.
• I have a mission. I am committed to something bigger than a to do list and my calendar.
• I do not take life or the people in my life too personally. This is not a popularity contest and taking a poll about my decisions slows me down.
• I pay attention to the wounds from my past and attempt to avoid the same pitfalls. I am not a martyr or a savior nor do I have to earn my place at the table. I am enough.
• I have people in my life who will check me. Sometimes they tell me to knock it off, sometimes they put me to bed and sometimes the brush me off and put me back on my feet.
• I notice what bugs the shit out of me and  how much time I spend on what isn’t right in my life.  Fixing that one thing or applying radical acceptance makes a huge difference.
• I have (mostly) learned to recognize the pain associated with growth and lean into it.
• I have a time budget and make sure that the way I spend my time reflects my values. Since I cannot beg, borrow or steal time- I try and use it well.
• I listen to my hunger. What is missing? What do I wish? What resonates? If I could take an afternoon to myself with no one needing me, what would I do with it? That is what is most missing.
• My relationship to food and exercise and sleep and play and sex say something powerful about how I connect to my needs. When these things are out of wack, things suffer. 

You might need a nap or a bubble bath or a yoga class but you also might need to cut off from that toxic relationship or clean your fridge or get a therapist or change your job or buy yourself flowers… always find a way to buy yourself flowers. These are from me. 

Maureen