Happy (Thanksgiving) Acknowledge My Privilege Day

I have a complicated relationship to Thanksgiving. I get to stay home and cook for my large extended family. My husband and I love the simplicity and low expectations around a day focused on one predictable meal. As a Catholic kid, I loved that it was the holiday we didn’t have to go to church and now as an atheist I don’t have to feel guilty celebrating a holiday that I no longer claim (just guilty about the whole Pilgrim/Native people narrative.) .

I do struggle with forced gratitude. I never pushed the whole “Say thank you’ habit with my kids, hoping instead to model true appreciation.. I just can’t figure out how to wake up every morning counting my blessings. I am often frustrated with my “blessings”. I am blessed to have a (messy) home, three (irritating) children, a (distracted) husband and a (underpaid) career.

Instead of forced gratitude, I am working on starting my own “Happy Acknowledge My Privilege Day.” I think I thought there was no more work to be done, certainly not work that I needed to do. I was mistaken. I am going to have get less comfortable, not more grateful.

I challenge you to join me. Where you see your privilege is where you need to up your game and step into the fight. Who are you watching out for? Is your kid’s school singing Christmas songs this year? Are you willing to speak up for those that might find that hurtful? Does your school expect parents to keep sending money for things without considering the impact on families who can’t easily come up with an extra $20. Are you willing to look into scholarship funds in everything that you can afford for your kids? It isn’t enough to be grateful that I am able bodied if I am not willing to work for accessibility. It isn’t enough to be an ally if you aren’t willing to investment in dismantling white supremacy.

Read a book that makes you uncomfortable written by someone whose experience is vastly different than your own.  It is the cheapest and best way to change your mind. Language offers us racial and cultural consciousness that can greatly impact the space we occupy in the world. Do not ask people of color or those at greatest risk to bigotry to coach you- they have done the work…the library is full of their work. They have laid the map, it is our path to follow.

We as women have some of our own fights to pick, There are conversations that are worth having, personal stands worth risking. I acknowledge my audience- you mostly look like me(maybe younger) , white heterosexual women who are currently living in or grew up in middle class families who have attended if not graduated from college. That’s “us” and this is a fight we must do for our families, for our community. As a women I got complacent. I have it pretty good- certainly better than my mother had it. I took the work of my foremothers for granted and rested on their shoulders but this week I have a new zeal. Quite clearly the patriarchy isn’t going to fuck itself.

So kiss your kids, hug your partner, cook a turkey and piss off a few relatives. Remind them all that loving your family means fighting for a better world not just counting your blessings.

Happy Holiday