I haven’t been blogging much- goofing off and doing summer. A friend recently moved back to town after a decade away and it has been wonderful to reconnect with a group of mommas who had little ones together. As much as I knew what I was getting into the second time I had kids, I never imagined the depth of loneliness I would feel when the boys were toddlers. I had moved to the suburbs and left agency work for private practice. While I had lived communally as a single mom, I now lived traditionally in a nuclear family which was supposed to be a win but felt like a huge loss. 

Inside my hunger for connection I found a calling to serve other lonely parents and created my first nonprofit- The Parenting Oasis. For 4 years, I hosted drop in playtimes and community building. Because nothing ever dies on the internet you can still see what I was up to here and here.  Ultimately it wasn’t a sustainable business model and we closed but Parenting Oasis had a huge hand in starting Marriage Geek and Pregnancy Postpartum Support MN and my work with birth trauma and ICAN and the Twin Cities Birth and Baby Expo. 

After meeting with my friends and reminiscing about Parenting Oasis with my son, Zach asked if I thought that I could do something like Parenting Oasis today. The magic of Parenting Oasis, I told him was that we were in it together. We were new, struggling parents helping each other out. Now I am removed from the struggle of little ones and I find myself doing that super irritating thing of telling people it is all worth it, it is all going to get better and that “you’ll miss this stage”. 

I do not miss the baby or little kid stage and I love my teenagers and my grown kid and the parenting years ahead are mostly filled with watching from the sidelines. So I will share this piece from 2015- nothing really changes. Parent in the now…if they are 2 or 12 or 22. 

Be with Your Kid Now

Mindfulness- “the intentional, accepting and non-judgmental focus of one’s attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment”. Simple…and hard. 

Mindful parenting comes from that zen, centered place where we can respond with patience and an open heart. Simple… and hard. 

Mindful parenting is being with your kids right where they are. It gets disrupted when we are either leaning back into our past or leaning forward into our future.

Mindful parenting decisions feel pretty solid. There are things we think our kids need, there are things we want to give them and then there is a reminder to simply let them be and wait.  

Sometimes we parent from the past. We get all wrapped up in how we were parented, what we are afraid of for our kids. Mistakes and regrets and self doubts are all rooted in our pasts.

Sometimes we parent pulled into some make believe future to worry about.

If he’s like this now, what is he going to be like at 13?

If you let her get away with that, she’s going to think she can always…

In the real world they aren’t going to…

Shouldn’t 4 year olds be more….

They fight all the time, I want them to grow up being close.

I can’t see how they are going to ever be ready for kindergarten/high school.

Can you feel that nagging doubt? It just isn’t helpful. Don’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles.

Much of positive parenting is rooted in knowing that kids are who they are and need what they need and as long as you stay connected and present, you are capable of responding to them appropriately. You are just the parent they need.

Parent your kids just for today.

Maureen