School Zone- Proceed with Care
Whether your kids had a great week or are really struggling, it has been a big week. Sometimes we forget that kids experience stress just like we do and that the good stuff in life can be as stressful as the rough stuff. I was really excited for them to go back to school. I was missing the structure of the school year but I forgot about the being on time, finding clean clothes, making lunches, homework, homework, homework.
For all that I didn’t have a bunch of new teachers, a bunch of new kids, new expectations, new rules, new bus route, new books, new lunch schedule.. Mostly I got rid of them and had some time to chill out between them walking out the door and walking back in. I really didn’t do a damned thing new this week but I am wiped out.
My kids are exhausted. I realize that this is the first time I have ever really talked to them about stress and self care. Ok, so they are 14 and 12…maybe it is the first time I have an audience that cared about it. I worked hard at acknowledging that they had a right to be tired and intense this week.
I’ve been a mother of sons for a very long time. I know to wait for them to tell me the stories I need to hear. I know that meals and car rides bring us closer. I know that laying on the couch watching TV is the same as toddler snuggle time. I don’t ask them if they had a good day,or what they learned. Instead I ask them what sucked or what went wrong today or who pissed you off today. Those questions they answer. Those are good stories.
In our crazy world, weekends are a huge gift. Hopefully we have some choice in how we spend this time. How does your family recharge? What do you most need this weekend? What are you modeling to your kids? Are you good at recharging? Do you know what your stress looks like and what helps?
Remember that your kids may have really different needs around recharging than you do. Introverts classically recharge quietly, in reflection, in down time. They have been surrounded by people all week. They have had little control over how they use their time. Extroverts classically recharge with people, doing stuff, going places. Some of your extroverts had a really hard time being around people all week but not getting to talk to them. It is hard to go back to school and have it be all about work.
The first weeks of school are all about getting the kids back to work, back in line, focused, serious. My kids kinda hate that part. “The teachers are mean”. I have to extra patient at the end of the day. My kids would never tell off the mean teacher but they have a lot more latitude with the mean mom. They need someone to cut them some slack.
We won’t get much housework done this weekend. As much as I’d love to drag them to an apple orchard or festival, my guess is my kids want to their freedom for 2 days. Two days to do what they want, with no one ordering them around, meeting no one’s expectation. And sleep…lots of go to bed late, sleep in kind of sleep. Remember that? I can lay off a bit and support all of us transitioning back to school.
I salute all the amazing teachers out there, especially the ones who also have to come home to wiped out kids. I wish you sleep and play and for the people you love to cut you some slack this weekend.
If you just sent one off to school for the first time or sent the last one off to school check out an article I wrote last year that might help. Sending the Kids Off to School Now What?
We measure our growing up in birthdays but we also do it in milestones and grades and transitions. May you have a joyous and peaceful September as a new year begins.
Maureen oh…and still space in a few workshops next week.
Re-Creating Us in the New School Year
Compassionate Mothering Retreat