A little (too much) self disclosure

It is both a beautiful day and a rough unimaginable one. Efforts to control women through restricting reproductive rights always gets my blood boiling. My heart broke yesterday when the Alabama Governor signed a piece of law- the shot heard round the world in another attack against women. 35 years ago I walked into Planned Parenthood freaking out and wanting so desperately to not be pregnant. I was counselor and supported and made the best choice for me. I will always be thankful that I had a choice and got good counseling. My choice was to continue that pregnancy- that is why I fight so hard for other’s choices.

Self care today was some nature therapy at Woodlake while listening to Hillary read me “What Happened”.  I want to stay motivated, not lose myself to the defeats. Stay strong.

I am planning on being outside, playing, goofing off as much as possible this summer. We survived the winter that was trying to destroy us. I might not post weekly. I am going through some growing pains.

Last summer I revealed that I was getting divorced- https://www.marriagegeek.com/divorce2

Quick update, all is well. Kids are good, I am good. We have it figured out as much as anyone ever can. Which isn’t to say I have life figured out.

Remember what the Velveteen Rabbit says about how love makes you real?

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

My 2019 inspiration quote was “Certainty is the enemy of growth”. Mark Manson

Well be careful what mantra you pick because I am falling down the stairs of uncertainty!

I have figured out that I only have two settings- numb or raw. Mostly my ability to dance in the world of (my) feelings is pretty limited. This past year had been lonely and scary and exciting and joyful and sad and…raw. Here are just a couple of things I am dancing with-

Empty nest issues- I have been actively parenting for 34 years. Last year, when we went to 50/50 parenting it was the first time I had ever lived alone. This year both boys have jobs, and friends, and lives, and lots of time with their dad and I have more free time than I could ever have imagined. What a (TERRIFYING) gift. No idea who I am if not mostly a mom.

Aging, and ageism- mine and my parents. Dad just turned 83, Mom and Aunt Char turn 79 this week. I will be 56 this summer. 56 and single with maybe not half my life ahead but certainly a handful of decades totally unplanned. Not like any of my plans have made sense before this.

The battle of the sexes- these are interesting times to be trying to cross the great gender divide. Being raw. Getting my heart broken and my feelings hurt and my senses awoken. Stay tuned… interesting lessons, getting my ass kicked seems likely.

Stay tuned. My life is simply an extemporaneous piece of performance art.

Maureen