Following Your Instincts Can Seriously Mess You Up

I love the idea that we should listen to our instincts, follow our heart and do what feels right intuitively.  And perhaps if we had all lived stress free, emotionally supported lives this would be a fantastic plan.  Instead, that little voice is laden with fears and reactions, tied to trauma and loss, neglect and criticism.

Amy, who was raised in severe poverty finds it hard to know when she is full because her instincts tell her to eat while there is still food around.

Jake, whose father was cold and distant, gets overwhelmed and naturally shuts down when his wife shares feelings with him.

Terri had a really rough birth with her first and now her gut keeps telling her that something is wrong with her baby and she should never leave his side.

Andy was mostly raised by his grandmother who just couldn’t handle rambunctious play. He keeps feeling compelled to tell his kids to settle down whenever they get loud.

Katie’s mom left when she was a teenager and she freaks out whenever her husband is running late or forgets his phone or gets stressed about work.

Mark, whose abuser was his neighbor finds it impossible to concentrate when the kids are outside playing.

Our instincts can tell us that people are dangerous but they can also convince us that we can’t trust anyone.

Our instincts can be a powerful protective force for keeping our kids safe but they can also have us hover and interfere with letting our kids’ own instincts develop.

Our instincts can tell us who to love, who to let go of but they can also chase away people who are doing their best and want to connect.

Luckily that little voice is connected to our intellect and with some patience, we can teach and heal the bumps.

My instincts used to have me leave relationships quickly.  I have made it 15 years and counting with this one.

My instincts have me occasionally want to kill my children for not listening or being sassy or thinking they are so funny… and my kids are healthy and alive.

My instincts are convinced that laying on the couch, eating chips all day will equal good health and I have learned that my instincts cannot be trusted to make some decisions.

Sometimes my instincts tell me that the world is coming crashing down, that life is meaningless, that I suck and that nothing I do matters anyway… and then I take a nap or get a massage or call someone wonderful or go for a walk… and my instincts settle down.

Maturity is knowing who that little voice really is, what their history is and when and if you can trust it.

This week- keep listening…but check. Heart and head work best in partnership.