Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby! Final installment… “After the Lovin”

I know… I should be doing a Father’s Day post but I need to finish up sex. Can helping you all have great sex be my Father’s Day gift? Here’s my 2016 Father’s Day post. I do love dads! And I love sex. What a great combination.

Have you been following along? Pt 1– Arousal, Pt 2– Seduction, Pt 3– Sex and now…Afterplay. (In all honesty, following Dr Kyle Zrenchik’s Erotic Flow model I actually skipped #1 courtship… this audience is mostly people who have their person.)

After the Lovin

So I sing you to sleep

After the lovin’

With a song I just wrote yesterday

And I hope you can hear

What the words and the music have to say.

Ah… what could be more romantic than someone singing you to sleep?

Maybe I should have started with the afterglow. If you aren’t having sex, having people talk about not getting enough pillow talk time might be frustrating. On the other hand, I think shitty pillow talk or no pillow talk plays a role in couples throwing in the towel on sex altogether.

Pretend my amazing newsletter has totally transformed you sex life this past month. Come on, use your imagination.

You spent time in your own head getting in touch with your sexual self. You worked really hard on becoming irresistible to your amazingly irresistible partner. You cleaned up all the bedroom messes and got out of your head and into bed and just had mind blowing, super connected, mutually satisfying sex. Next step? There’s a next step?

There is!  

Savor the moment. If you struggle with low drive, make sure you notice how you feel afterwards. Often we forget too quickly how great sex can feel…both emotionally and physically. If we savor the positive, it helps build the cycle of connection. Do not entertain thoughts of doubt in bed.

Say thank you. Give some specific positive feedback. What really worked, what felt great, what was surprising? Tell your partner how great you feel. Connect. Post sex your oxytocin level is high… this hormone increases empathy, connection and generosity, Don’t fall asleep and miss the best stuff.

Say please. Let’s be gentle in the afterglow. All vulnerable and naked, might not be the best time to criticize. Negatives are going to be taken hard.  One trick, in bed and out, is to transform any criticism into a request. “Hey, next time can we please….more, longer, more intensely, slower, louder…” come on, you get it, right? Play in that oxytocin generosity.

Get creative- If you are planning on keeping this partner, this relationship for the long haul, you want to keep growing. One of the greatest gifts of long term relationships is getting to know someone inside and out. Have some brave conversations. Have you seen this?  Mojo Upgrade is an interactive sex questionnaire for couples to help them discover the fantasies that they might both enjoy together. Seems like a great game to play.

Have a lovely, sexy, connected week. Happy Father’s Day.

M

Do not buy Dad this for Father’s Day! Stop Yelling and Breathe