Shoes, Love and Money Management

Two years ago I read this article about teaching your kids money management. https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/what-an-allowance-taught-my-kids-about-the-value-of-money You know that I believe that mostly kids turn out like their parents and that the best thing we can do is get our act together so that we can set a great example for them. That said… I worry for my children’s financial future. So I was willing to follow someone else’s game plan.

My kids were already getting an allowance. I believe that kids should have spending money and that kids should do chores and that these things don’t need to be connected. Ultimately where I got stuck  was just how much my boys should pay for shoes.

Shoes sometimes come up in marriage counseling. It is a cliche that women spend more than men. The research does say that women shop while men buy… they buy more big “investment” things, women buy more for the family and their kids…and they buy shoes, shoes for all the roles they have to fill.

I once read that the number one thing women lie to their husbands about is shopping. Women often feel ashamed of the money we spend even if it is money we earned. We struggle to feel worthy of self care. How much do you get to spend? How much is reasonable? Just how many shoes does a women get before it gets weird?

Money is always about values. When my boys hit teenage years the number one thing they wanted to spend money on was shoes. Fancy extremely expensive athletic shoes…which I did not understand.

That’s where the idea of a clothing allowance came in. It is up to them just how many shoes they need. They make all the decisions about what they wear and what’s important to them. They’ve learned that cheap pants need to be replaced more often and great socks can usually be found on sale and an expensive jersey gets a ton of attention but you have to take really good care of it. They have bought the wrong things and returned them. They have bought the wrong things and found out that you can’t always return them. They have asked for clothes for Christmas and been thankful for Savers. One pair of Timberland boots required three days discussion and a ton of Google research before it became clear they were not worth the price. These lessons have been wonderful to watch but I’ve learned a ton myself as well.

Now I can get excited with them about buying a great pair of shoes that they love. I can give them my opinion and know that it isn’t pressure. I can think they’re making a bad choice and admit when I was wrong…the jersey, and I can be proud of them when they make the tough choice to walk away on something they want…the Timberland boots.

Money is always about values. We are never going to love the same stuff. Money is self expression and freedom and self care and security. No wonder it messes us up so much. I have a lot more faith in my kids’ financial future. They’re learning to find their own way with money…and with their own values. And I am learning that shoes matter…just not the way I thought they did.