Tag / marriage
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Into the Marriage Votex
I love doing marriage work. It is deeply rewarding to be trusted with a couple’s most valuable resource at a time of fear and hurt. For 15 years I have studied the patterns, the stages relationships go through. I see how they get built, how they break down and how they heal. I ask people to give me months. I have to walk them slowly out of a mess that…
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Strangely- I have winter on the brain
Totally loving Minnesota this week. I can’t believe how fast leaves have filled in all the brown space and how quickly my freckles can pop. We did Open Streets in Mpls last weekend and my sister and I both topped our record- over 20,000 steps. And yet- I have lived through many, many long MN winters and I wonder how we make it through each year. Bill Doherty has long…
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Emergency Husband Alert Network Rerun
Please share. As 96% of my readers are female it is going to take some effort to reach the super secret husband network. If your children are old enough to have jobs and cars- ignore this warning. Those kids are on their own. If your children are not old enough to drive to Target-please pay attention. Sunday is Mother’s Day. I know- it is a Hallmark Holiday. We can and…
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Our Violent Reaction to Being Hurt
The number one thing that couples fight about is not what you might think. We always fight about getting our feelings hurt. We argue about the dishes and money and time but it isn’t a fight until someone’s feeling get hurt- and someone’s feelings always get hurt. And the gloves come off. Attachment relationships mean we NEED the connection and support of a few key people and having that sense…
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Can Anyone Get Past that Protective Coating?
We come into the world naked and vulnerable – at the complete mercy of the people we are born to. Then a bunch of stuff happens and we put on protective layers to keep from getting hurt, cover our vulnerability and hide the messiness of who we are. Fully clothed we try to bond with someone who looks strong and safe underneath all their layers. We start this weird game…
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Let’s admit it- 90% of my fans are wives, most of them with husbands and most of what is out there about Valentine’s Day is ads for pink crap, flowers and candy. I covered the pink crap at Target and women’s needs around Valentine’s Day last year- https://www.marriagegeek.com/374 How about a little husband loving? Monday I am presenting at the 13th Annual Minnesota Fatherhood and Families Network Summit www.mnfathers.org so…
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How Not to Get Divorced…Yet
I don’t know how to be married forever. I don’t know how to make it perfect- all hearts and flowers. What I do know is how to not get divorced this year. About half the people who come to marriage counseling are seriously considering divorce. There are affairs or horrible fights or betrayals or simply huge caverns of distance and disconnect that hurt like a MF. And yet… they…
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Sorry- Love is Messy
At the core of my professional and my personal life is the belief that all relationships are fueled by a powerful, biologically programed desire for connection. The reason I never run out of work is that the path to connection looks easy and then makes us come unglued. Everyone walks down the aisle fairly confident that love will prevail. No one is prepared for how brutal it feels when the…
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Who is Tending Your Marriage?
In my office I have a house plant, a peace lily that I often reference as a metaphor for marriage- it is a plant that is very forgiving of Minnesota darkness and the inconsistent care I give it. This is what Google says it is supposed to look like. And this is mine- and you should have seen how saggy it looked yesterday after I forgot to water it last…
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The Powerful Habit of Reconnecting
Couples fight. Parents yell. Siblings bicker. Kids have meltdowns. Parenting and marriage and life are messy. I got into it this morning with Joey, the 13 year old over socks. He was running late for school, I forgot he had student council, he had a rough night with sleep. It was just a bump but it was a rough bump right as he was walking out the door. I heard…
