Tag / vulnerability
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Falling on my A$$
2020 has decided to teach me some tough lessons. On New Year’s Eve, my three kids, my nephew and I went to Vertical Endeavors to go bouldering. (Bouldering is a form of rock climbing that is performed on small rock formations or artificial rock walls without the use of ropes or harnesses. And as VE reminds you every time- Bouldering is inherently dangerous.) I fell off the wall, shattering my ankle.
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Science Says We are Hardwired for Love
I took on the “Marriage Geek” title over 10 years ago. It came at a time when I discovered that there was actually a science to love, attachment, healthy relationships. It wasn’t all magic, chemistry, romance, or poetry. Like many of you, I come to attachment work because it doesn’t come naturally to me. Loving scares the fuck out of me. Doing my work has been about figuring out why and what to do about my fear. Amazingingly- doing my personal work has been a huge asset to my professional work. Surprise! Lots and lots of people are terrified by love.
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Love Versus Safety
This is the dilemma that is marriage. We want to be loved and connected and appreciated and lusted after and cared for but we also want to be safe. We don’t want to get our feelings hurt, don’t want to be ignored, neglected, scolded, criticized, misunderstood or rejected. And we can’t have both. There are no safe seats on the marriage ride. It is scary and vulnerable. Being loved means…
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Our Deepest Fear is that Someone Will See That We Suck
You’ve heard that Marianne Williamson quote “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I call bullshit. I think most of us bounce between being afraid people are looking at us, and being afraid that they aren’t. How big of a footprint are you allowed? Don’t bother people. Make sure people notice you. Ask for what you need. Take care of those around us. You are important..but not that…
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I admit it, my instincts can be all wrong
I love the idea that parenting is instinctual. I wish that my gut reaction to my kids was always right on. Instead I swing between worrying too much to not worrying enough. My instincts are fed by my past and my socialization. My instincts are muddied by the Today Show and Facebook telling me what everyone else thinks are important. My instincts tell me that I am not enough for…
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The Bullshit Detector….Just another reason family is so damned hard.
If you’ve been following me for awhile, you get that I think it all comes down to attachment. When you love someone, sleep with them, touch them, break bread with them, they become family. And no one makes you crazy like family does. Kids make you crazy. Partners make you crazy. And no matter how grown you think you are, your siblings and your parents can still jerk your chain.…
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Teaching Our Kids the Vibrant Art of Emotions
Each of us is born with the full natural human range of emotions. Think of it like having the big box of crayons…the one with the sharpener. We come to the world able to express and feel 96 unique feelings…we just don’t have the labels yet. When we are little our feelings are raw and messy. When we turn three we start to play big with feelings. Three year olds pick a color- anger, frustration, fear,…
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What’s the Matter? Nothing- I’m Fine
We can judge the feelings of people we love in a heartbeat. Before they are even aware of a feeling it is in their voice and on their face. Something seems off…and it feels very personal. When something is off we have to ask- “What’s the matter?” “What’s the matter?” “Oh, I am so glad you asked. I feel so supported. It is great to know that you are paying…
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No More Emotional Bubble Wrap
I love the term “Free Range Parent”. I identify strongly as a parent who lets her kids roam, find their limits and explore the large world they live in. I also let them fall a lot. My kids rock climb and swim and roller blade and mountain bike because I love how confident it makes them feel. As the mother of 3 boys I am committed to not shutting down…
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Why I Hate November
I kind of hate November. It is the darkest month of the year in Minnesota but that isn’t it. I love Thanksgiving- I mean the day, the one where I make two turkeys every year just to ensure we have left overs. I love that day. I don’t really like the “giving thanks” part. I was raised Catholic- maybe that is where I got the message that the goal was…
